That one last nerve...

Do you ever have days where you feel like every nerve is right under the surface of your skin and at any moment one wrong sound, touch or someone talking in the wrong tone makes you feel like you want to crawl out of your skin?  It's a feeling I don't control, but do my best to not react, which has taken a while for me to learn.  Who says getting older doesn't have some benefits...I actually learned to bite my tongue?  Anyway, last night I had to pick both boys up from piano.  While in Castle Dale decided to grab a few groceries and with some begging from the littles grabbed Subway.  I went cheap and didn't buy drinks so told them to hold off eating until we got home or they'd be really thirsty.  Austin decided he couldn't stand it and had to eat on the way home. 

What is it with boys and their noise?  The chomping and breathing paired with the nerves just under my skin and the back seat crinkling of wrappers was about all I could take.  Sensory overload!  I took some deep breaths and didn't say a word, though I wanted to scream.

On days like that there isn't much that doesn't make me crazy.  I'm glad I'm finally figuring out how to just bite my tongue.

Oh blessed hormones.

Race recap

I had a great time this weekend at the Dogtown Half Marathon.  I was nervous about the race when I saw the elevation maps before.  It ended up being great weather.  A bit cold before the start, about 36 degrees, but it warmed up once we started running.  The beginning of the race was on a trail next to the Virgin River through a canyon.  It was beautiful.  I wish the whole race was that scenery.  It was a lot of up and down for sure and I'm feeling it a bit today.  I stayed with Kirk, Devin and Skyler (Kirk's friend) for the first 8 miles.  We kept up a pace between 8:45 and 9 minute miles.  I exhausted myself heading up the hills and slowed a bit.  The biggest challenge was coming around the corner and seeing the end line, but realizing we had to run a different direction and go up.  We headed up into a subdivision.  It was a good 1-1/2 miles up hill, a big hill.  Then we went down and once again passed the end and had to do an out and back for 1/2 mile or so.  It was hard passing people that were headed towards me to the finish when I turned that corner.  I ended up with a time of 2:02:56.  Kirk and Devin were exactly the same at 1:56.  Overall, I thought the course was pretty and it was a challenge, so I feel I did well considering it wasn't just downhill.  And as an answer to Stetson's prayer....I was warm.  I dressed a little warm and had to have my jacket around my waist and was wishing for my tank top rather than long sleeves.  It all worked out though.  One down, 3 more half marathons to go for the year.  I'm also 164.6 miles down for the year on my way to 1000 miles.

Funny and so sweet

 This week we implemented a new schedule and some changes at home.  We are trying to watch less or no TV, help kids with their music lessons/practice and keep the house clean.  In doing this we are waking them up at 6:00 or so and trying to get them in bed by 8:00.  Kevin and Austin were home teaching so Stetson, Heston and I had prayer alone.  Stetson said the prayer and it was so sweet.  He said "Bless mom on Saturday that she will be warm at her race and that we'll have a good day."  So cute.  He is so thoughtful.  I will indeed be warm.  St. George here I come. :D

Perspective

Sunday I taught the lesson in Relief Society and it was about the Plan of Salvation.  Not the type of lesson where you draw the circles on the board with all the kingdoms.  The lesson was great about the part Adam plays as well as the significant role of Jesus Christ.  The comfort we have knowing that families can be together forever even after death.  We were talking about how Joseph Fielding Smith lost his sister when she was 18, just 2 weeks before he came home from his mission.  We had a discussion about experiences people have had regarding death and how the knowledge of the plan of salvation helps us through those times.  I personally have felt that I have been blessed to be able to deal well with death.  However, that being said, I haven't had to experience the loss of a parent or a spouse or Heaven forbid, a child or someone close to me in an untimely fashion other than a couple of friends.

Yesterday morning I was made aware that a guy here in town was killed in an avalanche.  I am friends with his wife and 2 of his sisters.  Even though I have only met him a few times my heart immediately broke for the family.  He has 5 kids.  The oldest is 13 and the youngest is 2.  Even with that lesson on the plan of salvation on my mind I was really sad all day.  I feel helpless but feel I need to do something.  I try to think of what I would want or need in that situation.  I tend to be one who doesn't like to put my feelings on my shirt sleeve and like to deal with emotion alone.  Would I want people to visit with me or would I want to be alone.  I hope I don't have to find out anytime soon. 

His untimely death has put things in perspective.  The last few days I could think was about Megan and her children.  Also a thought that was shared Sunday by one of the sisters she said, "Death is hard because we are selfish.  We know they are in a better place but we want them here with us."  Isn't that true? 

If anyone reads this and has an idea how I can help raise some money for Megan please feel free to share.

A restless night

Last night I went to bed at about 10:00.  That seems late for some of you, but for me it is just too early.  I find I have to be extremely tired to sleep all night and 10:00 I'm sleepy, but not exhausted enough.  I played Candy Crush til 10:20 or so and my eyes hurt, so I gave up.  Kevin and the boys have been sick and so that exacerbates the snoring.  Who even knew his snoring could get worse?  Those who have been in rooms next to Kevin or sleeping in the same tent camping know what I mean.  I get it, bad sinuses, whatever, but makes it hard to sleep.  Anyway, 2:30 a.m. Heston, who is in a bed on the floor next to mine because he won't sleep in his room alone, steps up on my bed and says, "Mom, Dad's not being quiet."  I turned and said "I know buddy."  He gets up on the bed and said something to Kevin which I can't remember, gave him a hug and snuggled up in the middle of us and fell back asleep.

I fell asleep too until I had a nightmare.  Kevin and I were driving in our old Pontiac and driving through a place that had a lot of red rock.  He was telling me in my dream that it was no wonder he didn't get an elk because that country had no vegetation for elk to eat and they didn't even live there.  As he was telling me he drove us right off the road off a cliff and we hit a rock ledge head on and then fell like on a roller coaster.  I remember in my dream thinking am I going to live or am I going to die. The car got stuck in between 2 rocks and we were fine, though I'm still not sure if I was dead or alive, but then I woke up. 

I didn't sleep much between that dream and waking up at 5:00 to go for my run.

So, needless to say, the night was very restless and today I'm sleepy.  Like I always say, I'll sleep when I'm dead. Let's just hope the dream was not an intuition and the death part comes soon.

Happy Monday!